So um. yea.


It's been a while. Not really back, well not here at least, but I thought I'd throw something out to see if there's any bites.

Lemme know if any of you are around.

just dont know what to think anymore

too much change, to many variables. too many consequences, and too many things im not willing to put up with in the mean time. wtf is it all about..? fckd if i know, i can barely understand it, the reasons why, the difference it makes or where it damn well came from all i know is that im fcking over it. i want this bs to end.
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thank you for the comments / condolences / etc. It is much appreciated.

I'm more worried about dad than I am about me.. he's still not doing to well, but then,he's going through his brother's stuff, when the guy should have lived another 10 years or so. I'm going down to Innisfail tomorrow to spend the weekend with him, so that at least I can be there to give him a hug & help with the cleaning etc. I don't know what else I can do, really.

My sister will not e coming over now. She's changed her mind.. apparently dad had offered to pay her flights, but she feels that it would be a better idea for him to spend the money on going over there later this year to have a holiday with them - spend time with the kids and everyone, not just her for the funeral time.. Think nothing of the fact that he needs the support & family around him now.. No. They can't bend to anyone else's needs... never have, never will.

Forgive me if that sounds narky, but this is the third time in four years that I have had to bear the brunt of one (or both) of my parents practically falling over because she thinks it would be better a different way, or can't be effing bothered..


Also this afternoon, I had to convince mum that 'it's worth' coming up for the funeral. Granted shehas her stuff to deal with as well, however, this is the funeral of a man who attended both of her parent's funeral's (when he didn't need to), also has been a good friend to her over the last 36 years or so. We're talking about the brother of her husband of 36 years - ignore the fact that my parents are now seperated - they are still friends, and I'm sure that dad needs to know that he still has friends - people that care about him, at very least. I have difficulty believing that my mother would be so closed as to assume that dad wouldn't want her there. Or for that matter, that John wouldn't appreciate the fact that she would make the effort for him. Or perhaps she thought that dad would not appreciate the fact that she would make an effort for his brother.

Welcome to the peanut gallery.

just realised..

Yesterday was the 20th March - one year to the day that Cyclone Larry hit Innisfail.. given that John lives in Innisfail, I thought that was rather odd..

further. I've decided to drop one subject at Uni & take a lighter load for the semester.. it extends my graduation date, but I really can't focus on so many things, and do well with all of them at the moment. Work is taking too much of my energy, and any changes I make there would be more gradual, and I need a more instant release from pressure at the moment. I can't change the fact that D is working away, and again, changing my perspective on that is a more gradual process. So, all that remains that I can 'get rid of' so to speak, is Uni. Given that it is the 21st March (ie: before the census date) I can drop a subject with no academic or financial penalty.

So I clicked the right buttons to do that about 15 minutes ago.

I dropped the law subject, not the policy one - I chose to keep the policy subject because I have more prior understanding of it than law.. law was doing my head in.

Have been trying to rest on & off this afternoon, but I haven't been able to sleep at all.. damnit.
pay here

RIP Uncle John

Dad's brother passed away in his sleep yesterday at around 2pm. Dad is coming up tomorrow, my sister is coming over again, this time with her husband, and mum will be coming up again too.

When it rains, it freaking pours.

Lets just say, not coping well with anything lately. D being away, new job ain't that great, and Uni might be too much for me, so .. I don't know.


Via Niv.


My japanese name is 小島 Kojima (small island) 美晴 Miharu (beautiful clear sky).
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His japanese name is 山田 Yamada (mountain field) 三千代 Michiyo (three thousand generations).
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islands, skies, mountains and generations...

Interesting. D is away. He has started his job out at the mines - two weeks on, one off. It's now 5 sleeps till he's home. I miss him. Horribly. Not all day every day, but I have moments where I seem to fall apart. That's both a good and a bad sign.

His mother sent me a txt today: "Hello Love. Do you have a husband again yet? And how are you managing? Lots of love R & T."

"Husband"?? Did I miss something? I don't remember being proposed to .. let alone a ceremony.

It is nice to be accepted by the family, that IS a very good thing... but sometimes, its a tad odd to accepted THAT much that she has us married already...

Speaking of which... it's almost time for the nightly phone call.. adios. Hope all is well.
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long live.. something.


So today was my last day at work. I start the new job of Jan 8th. In between times, I have Christmas in Brisbane, and New Years back here.

It felt odd leaving today. I don't know if I can express it yet. Closest I can get is excited at the new challenge (and two weeks off), but really sad to be leaving the people there.

Further, My dad's best mate is in hospital - something to do with his lungs, though his family aren't yet sure of exactly what's wrong (well, at last contact they weren't, anyway). Zappo is kinda my god-father, and I'm more than a tad worried. He went in for an op this morning at 7.30 or something, and emerged from recovery at about 5pm. :(

I'm a bit off kilter tonight. The guys are watching some crappy kung fu movie & I'm bored. But at the same time, I can't think of anything I would want to be doing, and I can't think clearly full stop. I assume the combo of last day & more yet hospital dramas. I could really do without more hospital dramas.

I have so far received a perpetual calendar, pen & chocolate, a wall calendar, chocolates & coffee, an espresso machine, body shop strawberry body lotion, body butter & body wash, cash & a gift voucher for a massage as Christmas gifts.

le sigh.


The last six months or so I have been feeling very stifled at work - the position I'm in there essentially (by it's very nature) locks me in to doing the same thing over and over and over... and I'm a person that needs variety in the work that I do. Also, in terms of advancement, I have been asking for (even a minor) step up to include both more responsibility and variety, however for one logistical reason or another, it hasn't happened every time. I love the people I work with, and I will miss them significantly, but I cannot stay there lest I do more damage to my sense of freedom and ambition. I have been slowly and quietly looking for other jobs for the last few months, however I have only seen one that was worth applying for (for my personal needs) and in this case, the application close date coincided with my grandfather's death and my final exam for the semester, so the application did not get submitted.

Then out of the blue, a previous employer contacted me, offered me my previous supervisor's position, with a salary package that consists of Au$4K more and 2 weeks leave more than I currently am on. The nature of the role includes more variety, advancement, there is flexibility within the organisation if needed, and car available as well. Also, given the study I'm doing (Governance & Public Policy), the position offers liaison with Government departments, and the organisation has links with local, state and federal members of Parliament. The position also offers internal and external training, reporting, staff supervision, and management of internal departments. The CEO of the organisation is heavily supportive of professional development opportunities, and there are still links with employment services as well.

Overall, it's an offer I cannot say no to at this time.

As I said, I will miss the guys I'm with at the moment, and branch management have not done anything wrong by me (though head office is another story), but I can't stay there any longer...

I realise that this is 'going back' in a sense, but it's moving up, and offering links to where I want to get to eventually, with more money in the mean time.